This is what I do when I'm not riding my bike 30 miles a day. I sit at a Starbucks or Peets Coffee and often wonder what GOD has in store for me. Living here in Northern California has been a humbling experience. When I lived in Phoenix Arizona, I had everything that I needed, friends, a home, a fiance, a stable job working at a nuclear plant and a relationship with Jesus Christ.
After losing my home, then my fiance, my job after 5 years and most of my friendships that have dissolved over time. The only thing I have left is my relationship with Jesus Christ. In my life, I depended on friends to fill the void of loneliness and being so depressed. In the end what really matters is that GOD has always been there for me. When life has stranded you on the side of the road, beaten you down, starved you of your potential in life and just became a big disappointment! GOD has always been there through it all and has never left me. Though I don't really know how to pray, I've learned to just be open and honest with GOD. It doesn't have to be textbook, scripted out of the bible, word for word prayer but just you! That's what he wants from us, to love him, praise him and have a relationship with him. We owe it to Jesus, we are in debt to him and it's not that difficult.
I have been angry with the way things have turned out in my life but I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't want to "just" settle in life! I wanted to experience what life had to offer. I have moved to many places over the past decade to find myself and what makes me happy. I found that I have a passion for photography. A bridge to fill the gap in my life. I thought for many many years that I wasn't good at anything. I struggled everyday accepting the fact that I had nothing to contribute but my paid taxes. Photography has allowed me to travel, meet new people and be content with myself. Living here in Nor Cal has taught me to be more appreciative of the things I do have. I am a stronger, more focused person than I used to be and thankful for the friends that I do have in my life. I have a twin "fraternal" brother that I love and look up to so much. My brother is my best friend. I don't know what I would do without him. We talk almost everyday to see what's going on and what's new. I miss not being around him and his family. Growing up, I used to listen to my father's conversations talking over the phone with his brother Eddie "his buddy" in New Hampshire and watch him just light up hearing about what's going on with "Uncle Eddie"! I had no idea what they were reminiscing about but I enjoyed seeing my father happy every once and a while. Now that I'm older, I feel the same way about my brother and always told myself that I never want to be apart from him. Even though I feel like I am following in my fathers footsteps, it's just temporary! I want to have a family soon and not miss out on what could have been. Love you James! Happy 40th brother! Love your brother J
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